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Sender: Patiencce


Let me give you some background information first. I've been going to the same church for two years now and so has this guy Donnie. Wehad never had a conversation or really even noticed each other until recently. i am going to a local technical college for cardiovascular technology.Donnie is going to the same school for radiology tech. This quarter we just happen to be in the same math class. I stared at him because i knew that i knew him from somewhere and he thought the same and we finally realized that we go to the same church. ( he also lives in the same very small town as me and i have never run into him before) so anywayz i missed a couple classes due to the fact that both me and my daughter were sick, so he offered to  help me study and get caught up and things have kind of taken off from there. he is as sweet and kind hearted as he can be. he's saved and is living a christian life. I am saved and trying to live the best christian life i can, but i am still overcoming some bad habits. Anyways, I have dated some real losers and jerks and i have been praying that if God sees fit to bring a christian, funny, smart sweet guy who will love me and my daughter for who we are and that describes donnie to a tee. He's a little bit geeky and not what i usually look for as far as looks. I  am trying to get over my superficial ways and I believe that God has sent him into my life for a reason, i don't want to ruin this, because he could be the right one for me. What should i do? i've been praying but how will I know if he truly is the right guy for me?




Don't rush into anything.  I am hesitant about giving advice on this being that I do not know you nor him personally.   Here are some general principles.  First of all, never rush into anything.  It is like anything else in life.  If you rush it, you get poor results.  Second, do not force it.  If you are having to walk on egg shells or are watching every step you take so you don't "ruin" this, then there is a problem.  You are not being honest with yourself or him, which is unfair to yourself and to him.  If it is not meant to be, don't try to make it happen anyway.  You will save yourself and him and any possible children you may have together a lifetime of misery.  Third, focus on becoming.  Many people try to find the right person that suits them.  There is nothing inherently wrong with this.  However, it can have a tendency to become self-centered.  You should focus on being the right person, more than in finding the right person.  If you become the right person, chances are good that you won't have a lot of trouble finding the right person.  Remember that the Bible never says to marry the one you love.  It says to love the one you marry. 


From what little you have said here, it appears that your track record demonstrates a need for more discernment and wisdom in your relationships.  Instead of pouring your energy into finding a relationship with a man, pour your energy into your relationship with God.  Walk with him and talk with him.  Read the Bible for what he says to you.  Just be with him even without saying words or asking him for anything.  Make sure he is and will always be your first love.  In Matt 22:37, Jesus said to love the Lord with all of our heart.  He needs to always be number one.  If he is number one in your life, you may find that you really don't want a man.  You may find that if and when a suitable man comes along, you will be wise, confident, and have sound judgment. 


I would recommend you speak to your minister about this, or to a wise Christian elder, someone who can give you good, sound, wise counsel on this.


John Telgren

P.O. Box 452

Leavenworth, KS 66048


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